September is here.

I think I set myself up for failure when I say things like, "I'm back for good!"

So I won't say that. Even if it is what I'm thinking!

I had family pictures taken at the beginning of July. I've gained a good 5 or 6 pounds since then.

I looked at the pictures today.

I died a little on the inside.

That can't possibly be ME?!?!

So it won't be.

I got this.

WHAT?!?

Has it been another month?

Goodness.

Tomorrow morning, weigh-in and goals.

Off we go, round 5689273891723817293!!!!!

Weight loss is super easy...NOT

Hello, blog world! I've been away for some time now...and I'm back. For good!

Maybe.

The crappy part about this process is knowing that I've really wanted to lose weight since January of 2009 - and here we are, June 2010, and I'm just a few pounds under where I was in 2009. Ummm, that's a lot of wasted time! I could be at goal weight right now!

That sounds amazing.

I wish I could snap my fingers. I know this isn't easy. However, it's certainly not as hard as I convince myself it is sometimes. Other times, it's really just freakin HARD.

So, blah!

That's all I got.

I weighed myself last week, thinking I need to face the damage, and I was at 229 lbs. That's actually not too horrible, so I've been fluctuating from 224 to 230 for the last year or so.

Saturday's are my weigh-in, but I didn't feel good, so I waited until this morning to weigh in. That stomach bug was on my side yesterday - totally looking for the silver lining!

Today, I'm down to 225 lbs.

This week I'm going to work on some basic things. I'm going to take some small steps.

School is done for my kid for the summer. The softball team I coach is done for the season. I have time to focus on me.

So, here we go.

Again.

Blah!

I've missed a few days...

The problem I've come across in my journey is how to adjust when life throws curveballs.

My youngest brother was in the pediatric intensive care unit this week.

One of my twin brothers, who I haven't seen in almost two years, was able to take leave from the Marines for a few days to be with our family.

The other of my twin brothers is stuck in Texas, far, far away.

My days have consisted of driving to and from the hospital, 40 minutes away, bringing clothes and books and other goodies. I've gone to my mom's house at least twice a day to check on my grandma and to feed the dog and cats. My meals have consisted of fast food in the car as I had no time to stop at home and make anything.

I wonder if I was further along in this journey would I be able to have a better handle on things when the unexpected occurs?

My youngest brother came home from the hospital today. Thank God, the prayers worked! My other brother will be going back to his base on Monday. Life is slowing down and returning to normal. That means I need to get back in the swing of things.

Day 10 - Huh?

How did I miss a whole day?

I know I did not exercise.

I know I did not drink water.

I know I stayed within my calories.

1 for 3.

I did work a lot. Yay for trying to make moola!

Um.

Really?

How the heck did I miss Sunday?????

Day 8 - Friday, a day late

Uh. I'm just posting for sake of posting.

Food: I did not document. I feel like I ate okay, but I chugged down the pop. Hadn't had any in a week or so. Calorie addition, like whoa!

Water: Who needs water when you have Faygo Red Pop?

Exercise: I have a real excuse this time. It's part of the reason why I desperately need to push myself to work out in the mornings. The evenings are just so unpredictable! My son had a horrible night, I'd say one of the worst in his little life. He was in a lot of pain, from what I gather as a gluten reaction. I'm not entirely sure because there were some new symptoms and it was definitely more traumatic than it has been in the past. Thankfully, I already have a doctor appointment scheduled for him on Monday, so I'm going in armed and ready with my notebook full of questions! The point being, I couldn't leave his side. He woke up right before I was going to clean up and start my workout. He didn't go to sleep again until 3:30am. There was just no way I could make myself get up and do anything then, knowing I had to be up in the morning with the other kid (who of course slept wonderfully and woke up bright and early!).

So, there you have it. A crap day, all around. I was pretty upset and shaken over my baby and his ordeal, and really, I just couldn't give any of my time or energy to exercise. He needed me. He wins over just about anything.

Day 6 - Wednesday - Break day!

I didn't mean for it to be a day off. I really had every intention of pushing myself tonight.

But I need a day off.

Food: Not bad. Not the best choices, but within my calorie range.

Water: 8 oz.

Exercise: Just not happening.

I know. I need to push myself. But I need a night to myself! The kids are in bed, the house is picked up, I need some me time. And not me time sweating my butt off. Though that is good, quality time, I need pillow and blanket time. I need SLEEP. I need to relax and regain my composure for a minute. It's been one of those days in Mommyville. The Baby Boy isn't feeling good, the Princess is just too young to understand that he needs a bit more of Mama's attention on days like today. So now that everybody is asleep and peaceful, I need Mama's attention...with my pillow, my bottle of water, and whatever show is on Nick tonight.

Be back to push tomorrow.

New Year, New Me!

As of one year a go today, I weighed 231 lbs. I had grand ideas and visions of how AMAZING I was going to look by Christmas!

Well.

Christmas has come and gone. It's now one year later. I'm at 227 lbs.

Well, okay, let's look at the positives! I'm down 3 lbs! THAT'S good! I weigh less this year than I did last year. That means a new decade is starting and I haven't seen the 230s!

Ick, that's about as far as I can go with the positivity.

The fact of the matter is that I wasted yet another YEAR. A whole YEAR! That's not just a day, a week, a month...a freakin YEAR of my LIFE. Gone. With no progress made!

Granted, my family had a rough year. Medical issues up the wazoo (gluten intolerance discoveries, emergency surgeries, tons 'o fun!), moving THREE TIMES (once in beyond imaginable emotional conditions, once 1400 miles across the country), and loads of random events sprinkled in between.

Excuses, excuses.

Enough feeling sorry for myself or letting life dictate my actions. Just because things are tense or I'm stressed, those aren't good reasons to NOT exercise or NOT drink water or NOT eat right. In fact, those are just the reasons to push through and exercise and drink water and eat right!

So, I bid adieu to 2009. Peace out, homeslice.

2010 is here, and this time, I am actually going to freakin do it!

Day 5 - Back in the Saddle

Another emotionally compromising day today. Another dear friend lost a loved one, her beloved baby boy. I'm conflicted, my heart is broken, and I just can't figure out why life works this way. It does keep hurdling forward, and amazingly enough, so did my attempt at weight loss. I guess that's something to be proud of within this whole mess.

Food: I was right on until this afternoon, before dinner.

Water: GOAL WAS MET! WOOHOO!! I made it to 28 oz today.

Exercise: I did 22 minutes of the Biggest Loser Cardio Max, and wow, it was great! I then attempted to do a yoga video, but it was a bit too advanced for me. I think I saw a more beginner video on there, so I might give it a try tomorrow.

I'm exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, and physically.

TUESDAY GOALS:

1. Drink 28 oz again. (Have to reach this goal a few times before I up it!)

2. Work out.

3. Healthy breakfast.

No humor today. Maybe life will be a bit funnier tomorrow.

Days 3 & 4 - Life Happens

I did not have the best weekend, emotionally or otherwise. It was a rough one. My husband's best friend was dealing with a horrible loss and we went to spend the weekend with him and his family. It happened very suddenly Saturday, so I didn't have time to prepare or work out any exercise plan. Sometimes life just happens and you just have to roll with the punches.

I'm reeling from this emotionally. A whole family perished in a house fire. Husband, wife, daughter. Beyond tragic. How can things like this be explained? What to you take away from it? How do you comfort people who are in so much pain over their loss? It's hard. It's rough. Words can't even begin to explain it.

So, I pretty much ate whatever this weekend, I did not exercise even a little. I was there with my husband being a friend to people we love. That's all I could muster.

Tomorrow is another day.